New Episode of AGD Podcast: Talking About Voting and an Interview with Molly Jong-Fast

Now up on iTunes for your free listening pleasure, it's the latest episode of Another Goddamn Podcast. This time, I'm talking about voting, even when you know your candidate is gonna lose. And I interview writer and mistress of Twitter snark Molly Jong-Fast.

She dishes dirt (no, really) on the Trumps, and she talks about her work on the board of the Arena, which encourages new Democrats to run for office and raises money for them.

Molly is funny, caustic, and pretty damn raspy because she had a cold. She says she sounds like Minnie Mouse, which would be true if Minnie Mouse said "fuck" a lot while punching Trump in his man-tits.

Download, listen, subscribe. You can also get early access and bonus stuff by ponying up some cash over at Patreon.


Writer Molly Jong-Fast on Meeting Vanessa Trump

In this fun clip from the new episode of Another Goddamn Podcast (or AGD Podcast, for your sfw ears), writer and Upper East Side of Manhattan resident Molly Jong-Fast talks about going to a ladies' game night party with Vanessa Trump, Donald Trump, Jr.'s soon-to-be ex-wife.

And Molly says that Ivanka Trump, who used to be in her social circle, is no longer welcome there.

Full episode, including more about the Trumps, will be up later tonight. Subscribe to AGD Podcast over on iTunes.


What Did That Dumb Orange Motherfucker Say Today? (Part Whatever of a Shut the Fuck Up Already)

Yesterday, this here blog was all about how goddamned dumb Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos is. But never forget: The Fucking Dumbass in Chief will always outstupid anyone who dares challenge his mantle of idiocy.

So it was today that Our Goddamned President, Donald Trump, visited California in order to shit on California in person and to see the prototypes of his worthless boondoggle of a wall. And while he was there, he said some fucking brainless shit because he is an imbecile who lopes around like a lazy gorilla, dragging his simian arms on the ground. How dumb was it? Remember how you used to think that George W. Bush was a complete dolt? Trump makes Bush look like Neil DeGrasse Tyson on rocket fuel.

Here are things the real president of increasingly unreal United States really said, offered with little to no comment because, truly, the language of the moron is pretty self-explanatory:

"Every day, criminals and tariffs try to infiltrate our country."

"California sanctuary policies put the entire nation at risk. They’re the best friend of the criminal."

About Mexico: "They have an election coming up. I hear they have some very good people running, and they have some that maybe aren’t so good."

"So this was really a day where we look at the different prototypes of the wall."

"For the people that say no wall, if you didn't have walls over here, you wouldn't even have a country." (Um, what about all those countries that don't have border wa-- ah, fuck it.)

About how the goddamned wall should be see-through: "You could be two feet away from a criminal cartel and you don’t know they’re there."

"I think governor Jerry Brown has done a very poor job at running California. They have the highest taxes in the United States; the place is totally out of control.” (For the record, California does not have the highest taxes in the United States, and the state's government is running a surplus.)

Then, later, at Miramar Air Station, talking to asshole Marines who hooted and hollered in approval, he talked about outer space because why the fuck not. He began by shitting all over Hillary Clinton, again, except in a weird context: "You wouldn’t have been going to Mars if my opponent won, that I can tell you. You wouldn’t even be thinking about it." What the fuck does that even mean? Honest to fuckin' god, it's like listening to a deranged, barely coherent C-SPAN caller who dials in every day to rant about Clinton sucking his eyeballs out with her vagina so now he can't see.

But that wasn't even peak nutzoid. "My new national strategy for space recognizes that space is a warfighting domain just like the land, air and sea. We may even have a ‘Space Force,’ develop another one. Space Force. We have the Air Force, we’ll have the Space Force," Trump exclaimed, later yellling, "So think of that: Space Force!" You know how big a fuckin' border wall you're gonna need if we gotta worry about people coming in from space?

What with firing Rex Tillerson and his deputy, nominating Trump taint-sniffer deluxe Mike Pompeo for Secretary of State and that torture lover as CIA director, with his denigration of parts of the country he doesn't like (while the right-wing media focuses on Clinton saying something about the deplorables, who really are fuckin' deplorable), Trump is hitting a peak for ripping up America's sanity, setting it on fire, and pissing on the ashes, dancing around the smoke, loving the scent of our anxious sweat and bile, giddy that we have to give his idiot antics attention, like a brain-damaged patient whose only function he can manage is to masturbate endlessly and giggle while the nurse cleans the jizz off his hands.


Betsy DeVos Is Every Stupid Teacher You Ever Had (Except Way Richer)

Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos, born a Prince, has been a billionaire for her entire life. Her father was a billionaire. So she inherited a shit-ton of money. She married a billionaire Dick who inherited his money from the long-running Ponzi scheme known as Amway. As such, she never, ever had shit to do with public schools except as a hobby. Public school education was never life or death for her or her children. It was a thing this rich person decided to fuck with because, shit, what the fuck else are you gonna do with all that time and money if you can't attempt to force your completely bullshit ideas about education, Jesus, and capitalism on the poors?

I'm reminded of a friend of mine whose son was having trouble with a public high school teacher. The teacher was making his regular chemistry class as hard as his AP class for students who had no interest in advanced chemistry. In fact, every other chemistry teacher taught regular old chemistry to the regular old chemistry students and saved the hard stuff for those who geek out on it, as it should be. When my friend looked at the teacher's web page, she saw how he bragged about how he and his wife had home-schooled their 5 kids. Finally, when her son was ready to just give up, my friend set up a meeting with the principal and the teacher. The teacher tried to be a pal and say how he's just challenging the kids and it's good for them and it shouldn't be my friend's concern. That's when my friend looked him square in the eyes and said, "You home schooled your children, right?" The teacher proudly said he had all the way through high school, and my friend responded, "So you never had to deal with an arrogant teacher being a jerk to your kid, did you?" According to my friend, a nauseous look of "oh, fuck me" crossed the man's face before he sputtered something about needing to get back to class. (Note: The class did become more normal after that.)

I thought of that incident when I watched DeVos completely shit herself repeatedly on 60 Minutes last night. She shit herself so much that, by the end of the interview with Leslie Stahl, DeVos was looking down from her thick shit cushion. Asked the simplest questions, ones about the very worthless things that DeVos had allegedly spent the last decade or so of her life working on, like school "choice" and charter schools, the motherfucking Secretary of Education couldn't even manage to come up with a halfway decent defense.

Stahl wanted to know about why schools are fucked in Michigan, which is not only DeVos's home state, but it's where she and her Dick husband recently built a 22,000 square foot house. DeVos gave the look of a college freshman who thought she didn't have to study because she's on a volleyball scholarship and said, "I hesitate to talk about all schools in general because schools are made up of individual students attending them."

Oddly, DeVos had not trouble talking about all the fucking schools in Detroit back in 2016 when she wanted their funding to go to charter schools and school "choice," which means, in part, "public funds being used at private religious schools because fuck the separation between church and state." Wrote DeVos, "We must acknowledge the simple fact that [Detroit Public Schools] has failed academically and financially – for decades." But what about the individual students, Secretary DeVos? She's actually more correct here than with Stahl. Schools aren't about individuals. They are about groups who rise and fall based on the teachers and the support they have. You don't back the teachers, you don't have a good school and students fucking suffer across the board.

That ignorance was on almost breathtaking display in the very next question, when Stahl asked DeVos if she had ever visited a failing school, maybe even in Michigan. DeVos answered, in what should be her political epitaph, "I have not — I have not — I have not intentionally visited schools that are underperforming." I just wish Stahl had followed up with, "The fuck? Did you ever unintentionally visit one? Did your driver ever bring you to the wrong address and you walked in and saw a bunch of black kids and ran back to the car and threatened to have your brother kill your driver's whole family for daring to put in you in such close proximity to 'those people'?"

DeVos continued her reign of being Secretary of Stupid when Stahl asked her about whether or not false accusations of sexual assault are really a problem on college campuses. DeVos moroned, "Well, one sexual assault is one too many, and one falsely accused individual is one too many." Stahl pressed, asking if they were the same, and the rational answer to that is "No, of course not. One is real and actual physical violence and a violation against the body." But DeVos is not rational or compassionate or smart. She is just full of conservative nonsense, so she said, " I don't know. I don't know. But I'm committed to a process that's fair for everyone involved."

And that shit comes from being so rich that no one ever challenges you, no one ever tells you, "You know, Bets, that's fucked up right there and it's gonna hurt people, you fucking pathetic idiot." Maybe if DeVos had had some teachers who fuckin' flunked her ass, she'd know how dumb she really is.

This doesn't even get into the guns in school discussion she had this morning, where DeVos essentially giggled, "Whatever the NRA tells you, Donald. Sure, we'll arm the teachers." And all I can think about is how Betsy DeVos never had to wonder if her kids' teachers should have guns in the classroom.

Then I think about my freshman high school English teacher, who was regularly drunk in class, who insisted that Geoffrey Chaucer's last name was pronounced "Saucer" (that always fuckin' galled me), who would get tired halfway through diagramming a sentence and just give up, who would occasionally miss the chair when she sat down and hit the floor. Oh, she'd've wanted the gun. Hell, if she had been a billionaire, she might have become Secretary of Education.

One other thing that's fucking annoying about Betsy fuckin' DeVos. You know that boxed water you see at the grocery store and you think, "I wonder if I should buy that because it tells me boxes are better than bottles"? You know that shit? Yeah, DeVos owns that company.


Tennessee and Kentucky: Grappling With Ending Child Marriage (aka "Letting Rapists Marry Their Underage Victims" Laws)

On this International Women's Day, let us remember that in too many places in the United States, kids under 18 are allowed to get married to adults. Sometimes there is an age limit. Sometimes it requires a parent's approval. Sometimes it requires a judge. But, in almost every case, it's an underage girl and a grown man. It's sexual exploitation with the imprimatur of the government behind it. It's beyond fucked up that anywhere in the world in 2018 this is an issue (and it is a huge issue in many other countries). But not only does this bullshit go on in the United States, elected officials will still defend it. However, a good bit of public shaming goes a long way, as Kentucky and Tennessee learned quite recently.

In Kentucky, last week, "a bill to make 18 the legal age for marriage in Kentucky...stalled in a Senate committee amid concerns about the rights of parents to allow children to wed at a younger age." Right now, Kentucky law allows a judge to approve a marriage for anyone under 16, no matter what the age of the potential spouse is. According to state records, girls as young as 13 were married in the last few years. The bill wouldn't allow any marriage under 17, and, in that case, a judge must be involved.

Social media got hold of the failure of the Senate committee to advance the bill, and, what do you know, all of a sudden it was back yesterday and it easily passed. Oh, sure, there were the usual bizarro fucknuts opposing it, like Republican Dan Seum, who stupidly said, ""I as a parent couldn't let my pregnant 16-year-old daughter marry the guy that loves her, give the baby a name?" This led to the best smackdown by another Republican, Ralph Alvarado, who is a pediatrician: "I would argue they need more of a father than a husband at that age." A bit patriarchal, sure, but it's good to see evolution in action.

The bill was brought forward by Republican Senators Alice Forgy Kerr and Julie Raque Adams.  And, in testimony before the Kentucky Senate Judiciary Committee, former victim Donna Pollard told her story about the 29 year-old man who first statutorily raped when she was 14. By the time she was 16, she had married her rapist with permission from her mother, who herself had married at 13. Years later, Pollard got divorced and became a kickass advocate against child marriage.

Meanwhile, down south a bit, Tennessee just had its own mulligan moment on child marriage. Last month, a couple of Democrats in the state legislature discovered a loophole in Tennessee state law that lets a judge waive the minimum age of marriage so that anyone of any age can get hitched. One organization found 3 girls who got married to adult men at age 10. So Sen. Jeff Yarbro and Rep. Darren Jernigan did what anyone who is fully human would do and introduced legislation to close the loophole.

But guess what? Apparently, the leader of an organization ironically called the "Family Action Council" contacted the GOP House Majority Leader, Glen Casada, and said, "Whoa, whoa. Helping young girls will get in the way of us hurting the gays." See, the "family" organization is suing to overturn the Supreme Court's Obergfell decision that legalized same-sex marriage for some bullshit reasoning that it nullified all marriage licenses in Tennessee because something something Jesus something man/woman who the fuck knows. And if the legislature acknowledged that marriage licenses were valid by passing the anti-child marriage bill, it'd spoil their chances to show those queers what-for. So the bill was going to die in committee yesterday.

Then, all of a sudden, today, after media pressure, Casada realized that maybe it looks like Tennessee is a bunch of backwards ass country fucks if they didn't close the loophole, and the bill is back for reconsideration and a hearing or two.

So, kicking and screaming, Kentucky and Tennessee are being brought into at least the late 20th century, if not all the way to the present. And the young girls of the state, especially in the rural areas where many of these awful marriages occur, may actually be allowed to grow up without thinking that they're supposed to be victims of predatory men.

Now, how about you, Florida?


Note to Republicans: It's Not the Sex; It's Your Hypocrisy

If you bring up that Donald Trump fucked porn star Stormy Daniels, who now is suing Trump in order to be able to speak out about their fucking, with many Republicans, they will immediately jump to his defense by invoking other presidents. A conservative spoogebucket in his own right, Stephen Moore put this most succinctly on CNN last night when he sputtered, "Who would have ever thought that we had a president that had sex out of marriage. I mean, certainly not Bill Clinton or John F. Kennedy." Or Eisenhower or Harding, if we're gonna play that game of "Who's not president now?"

But here's the deal, you convenient moralists of the right: Most of us on the left don't give a shit about politicians who consensually fuck other adults. Let 'em fuck. Let 'em fuck in marriage, out of marriage, while married to other people. Let 'em fuck people of the opposite sex, people of the same sex, L's, G's, B's, T's, Q's, whoever. Fuck away. Fuck porn stars. Fuck waiters. Fuck bus drivers. Fuck doctors. Fuck and fuck and fuck.

What we have a problem with is that the right decided to be hypocritical assholes about the fucking. We might not care about Trump's porn star fucking. We sure as hell care if he is open to blackmail. We sure as hell care if he misused campaign funds to keep the porn star quiet. You're the ones who are supposed to care about who's fucking who. That's one of the big things the "culture war" you started was about.

For some of us, it goes back to the moment when Bill Clinton had to sit there on 60 Minutes in January 1992, Hillary by his side, and apologize for his affair with Gennifer Flowers. Clinton did it not because Democrats were piling on him (although some were), but because Democrats were scared shitless (as Democrats often are) that Republicans wouldn't let it go if Clinton won the nomination, which, of course, he did. Clinton apologized then. Later, he apologized for getting a blow job from Monica Lewinsky in the Oval Office, but Republicans still impeached him. Oh, they'll say it was for perjury, but it was for lying about having an affair.

Now, we have to sit here and watch Republicans contort themselves to defend Donald Trump, a man who fucked around on his first wife with the woman who became his second and bragged about it; a man who fucked around on his second wife with multiple women, as he himself told a newspaper; a man who fucked around with other women during his third marriage, including fucking Stormy Daniels shortly after his third wife gave birth to his fifth child. And the very groups, indeed, the very individuals that condemned Bill Clinton (and Barack Obama, as loyal a family man as may have ever held the presidency) gladly say that they give Trump a "pass" or a "mulligan" on his affairs because he's a "changed" person now.

Bill Clinton fucking apologized. Bill Clinton fucking went to church all the time. Donald Trump has never apologized, never admitted wrongdoing, and never goes to church. If you condemned Bill Clinton but have no problem with Trump, fuck you in every hole you have and in a few that you don't.

Meanwhile, Republicans want to deny equal rights to gay and lesbian Americans simply because of who they fuck. They want to allow for exemptions to civil rights laws under the broadly and stupidly defined banner of "religious freedom" because, they say, people shouldn't have to compromise their relationship with an invisible sky wizard and bake a cake for a same-sex wedding, for instance.

Yet the very book about what their invisible sky wizard likes and doesn't like has precious few verses about same-sex fucking. You know what it's got a metric shit-ton of verses about? Adultery, motherfuckers. Old Testament, New Testament, all over the fuckin' Bible, adultery is seen as one of the most fucked up things you can do. It's one of the Ten goddamn Commandments.

It seems like if you actually feared the opinion of an invisible sky wizard, you'd think that he'd fuck you up for not condemning an adulterer. But you can bet that if Donald Trump waddled his mistress-boning ass into a place like Masterpiece Cakeshop, the oh-so-Christian bakers would fall over themselves to bake him whatever the fuck he wanted, even a cake for wedding #4.

You get it, conservatives? Over here on the promiscuous left, most of us think fucking should be a blessing. We think condemning people for fucking is bullshit. We're consistent in that belief.

The defining characteristic of what is laughingly referred to as "contemporary conservatism" is a shameless hypocrisy that shows there are no core beliefs to it beyond rank racism, sleazy sexism, and corrupt capitalism.

By the way, for the record, Stormy Daniels is also a director and writer of dozens of porn films. She has even moved into producing them now. She's not just a porn star. She's a porn maven. She's a business person who knows where her bread gets buttered. And if she's the one whose lawsuit ends up bringing down Trump, well, it'd be as beautiful as the glass dildo in her film Pussy Sweat.


White Supremacists Are Just So Fucking Dumb (Florida Teacher Edition)

Your average white supremacist shitbag might be able to come up with a clever tweet, a threat to stab you in the heart and rape the hole, ha, ha, punctuated with a frog or a caricature of a hook-nosed Jew or a Molon Labe (whatever the fuck that is, and, no, I'm not fuckin' looking it up). But when it comes to functioning in the real world, you know, outside a gathering of like-minded shitbags, the almost brazen stupidity of even the most highly-regarded racists becomes perfectly clear. And, frankly, while there are some scary-looking motherfuckers in their movement and violent motherfuckers who shoot up places, sometimes, it can be pretty goddamn sadly comical.

Take, for instance, the middle-school teacher in Crystal River, Florida (motto: "We're poor, but at least we're not Bonifay poor"), Dayanna Volitich, who, like just about everyone else in the United States, has a podcast. Except hers is called Unapologetic, and its subject is how awesome white people are and how fucked up other races are. Oh, Volitich cleverly disguised her name to "Tiana Dalichov." Now one thing you learn when you're in education and you have some, let's say, controversial or profane political opinions that you may express online in some form is that you leave that out of the classroom. Don't shit where you eat.

But no one told Volitich that little lesson, so on her podcast, she brags about teaching her students racist shit and then pretending that she didn't when the administration would visit her classroom. She even says that she told the kids to be cool about how she behaves differently if the principal comes by. She and her co-host even talk about having separate schools for white children. This is in a district that is 90% white. She pretty much does teach in a school for white children, but I guess it's not pure enough. The other fun thing she does in the podcast is brag about her support for Russia and Vladimir Putin because of course she does. She says it's because she's Russian. I'm part Russian. Fuck Putin.

Volitich issued a statement on Friday, and you'll never guess her defense. You'll never fuckin' guess. She said it was satire and she was just playing a character: "I employed political satire and exaggeration, mainly to the end of attracting listeners and followers, and generating conversation about the content discussed between myself and my guests."

Jesus fuckballs Christ, conservatives wouldn't know satire if it bit them on the nipple and screamed, "I'm satire!" 'Cause, see, if it's satire, it's gotta have some kind of point other than "Racism is awesome." If you listen to any of the other episodes of Unapologetic, like the one where Volitich-as-Dalichov says she sees Islam as supporting violence or the pair of episodes where she praises an even more blatant racist author. And, pro-tip, if you're playing a character, you might not wanna make that character a teacher.

Volitich has been suspended as the school investigates. Irony of ironies is that, for the host of Unapologetic, Volitich was pretty quick to apologize to her family: "I humbly ask for forgiveness, as it was never my intention to cause them grief while engaging in a hobby on my personal time."

Look, I buy that she was doing this on her "personal time." The problem, as I've said, is that she decided to make it about the kids in her classroom. She decided to talk about how she was indoctrinating them and deliberately deceiving her supervisors. There are lots of teachers with lots of appalling points of view. Hell, a lot of teachers probably voted for Trump and love him grabbin' pussy. A bunch of 'em probably like porn about rock-hard, uncut "teen" jocks who love to fuck their teachers. Leave it at home. Once you say you're bringing it into your class, you involve parents and administrators in your "hobby," and it ain't a hobby anymore. It's who the fuck you are.

And it's fucking dumb. She's 25. She can be a better person. She can learn to push this bullshit out of her. But I'm not holding my breath.

(Note: the online insult war between racists and anti-racists over this degrades all of us.)